::::::::::::::

::::::::::::::

LATE NIGHT IN LIVINGROOM

Mick: Hey, Bro!

Spirit: So how you doing?

Mick: Good, good.

Bead: Watch what he can do. Do it for Spirit.

(Mick drops to his knees and does one-armed push-ups)

Spirit: That's hot.

Mick: Wait, wait.

(He folds his elbows into his chest and holds his body straight out off the ground, his hands act as pedestal)

Mick: (Stands) I'm not really warmed up yet. I could snap my back.

Spirit: Don't snap your back, Dude.

Mick: Bead, you been doing that exercise I showed you?

Bead: Yeah. That's a pretty good one.

Mick: You haven't been doing it.

Bead: No. My back's still a little tight.

Mick: That exercise will fix you up. Let me show you a salutation, Spirit.

(He does a series of stretches, exact breathing, his eyes staring trance-like)

Mick: (Stands) Once a day; It stretches your whole body.

Bead: Did you look in the bag, Spirit?

Spirit: Like Christmas.

Bead: Take a look at these sammies.

(He pulls two plastic bags from the flight bag)

Smell this one.

Spirit: Smells unreal.

Bead: All powder.

Mick: Yeah, but it's pure.

Bead: Tests-out alright. This other has some rock, about a forty-sixty, but it has that crank smell. They test equal.

Mick: That one doesn't have the color. It's chalky. Dino's looks smooth.

Bead: J.C. said the last was ampy, and this looks the same.

Spirit: Dino's is no cost. The max would be to do them both.

Bead: You think we can move that much?

Mick: I can move it all.

Bead: Half for Spirit and me and half for Mick. I don't know. Maybe we should just take Dino's, give Al's back, and wait for better from Al while we're working Dino's? Will you guys be there when I talk to Al? If we all pump him, he'll be stoked.

Mick: No sweat. Let's fire one off.

Bead: Yeah! You wanna fire one off, Spirit?

Spirit: Yeah! I'm jonesing!

Mick: Spirit's jonesing!

Bead: Tests-out alright. They test equal.

Mick: That one doesn't have the color. It's chalky.

Bead: Look at this bud. This is sinsee.

Mick: I haven't seen anything like this since last year.

Bead: Early plants, dude; we could be pulling plants already.

Spirit: You're right.

Bead: But we're doing good. No digging, or watering, or worrying,

Mick: There's worry.

Bead: You're right. But last year, the bulk, the whole backyard was bulging with plants. That's just hanging it out there, Kids, cops, copters. I don't need it.

Mick: You're right. You're right. But I'm telling ya, we should put a growing thing together on the Big Island.

Spirit: Do it big if you're going to bother.

Mick: Bother! I've got twenty thousand dollars growing in my backyard!

Bead: We're doing good without it. What are you going to make on this trip, Mick?

(No answer)

What was it, seven thousand? Spirit get the calculator, I want to show you.

(They look at the figure. Bead turns to Spirit)

One thousand eight hundred and thirty two dollars.

Mick: Yeah, it's seven something.

Bead: Here, Look. This is what I'm making.

(Mick grabs the calculator, but Bead pulls it away)

No, Wait, wait. Let's see.

(Bead figures)

This is what you're making. Seven

Mick: Right on! Give Spirit five!

OVER DINNER IN THE KITCHEN::::LOOKING AT PHOTOS

Bead: Yeah!

Spirit: Ripping!

Mick: I'm telling ya, you guys gotta get over to the islands this winter.

Bead: We're going!

Spirit: Yeah!

Mick: All I do is surf, dive, do a little fishing, and exercise. At night we'll go raging.

Bead: Let's go fishing while you're here.

Mick: Yeah! You got enough poles and tackle.

Bead: There's tons of equipe out in the garage.

Mick: Unreal! Let's get it laid-out for tomorrow.

(He goes to and opens the front door)

Bead: No way, dewey. We'll do it tomorrow. You're acting like a kid.

Mick: Yeah, I'm a kid. I'm living in high school. I missed that part of my life. I'm just a high school kid.

(Pause)

Bead: Let's talk about Mary's plans for the trip to Bali.

Mick: Naw. Let's talk about growing it on the Big Island. Don't you think that's a good plan, Spirit?

Spirit: Could be.

Mick: It will be.

Bead: I'm ready for it!

Mick: So am I! What are your plans for this winter, Spirit? School?

Spirit: School maybe.

Bead: Not school.

Mick: School's good.

Spirit: I'll make it to the islands this winter I'll take a quarter or two off.

Mick: When the surf gets big we'll pop over to the outer islands. Honaloa is unreal! You've surfed Hanalei.

Spirit: It's the best.

Bead: Let's get over there.

Mick: Hang out at the beach. Go shopping; buy some bitchen clothes. Eat out every day. It's unreal.

Bead: Sounds good to Spirit. Where are we going?

Mick: To the top!

Spirit: To the top!

Bead: You should put that package together tonight, Mick, so you can send it in the morning. There's a flight early in the morning.

Mick: I'll call United and check it out. Spirit, will::::

Spirit: I'll get you the number and bring you the phone.

Mick: What do you think I should pack it in, Bead?

Bead: We'll figure-out something.

Mick: Get it out on the A-plane. I don't see the number.

Spirit: It's on the front page of the book.

Mick: Here it is.

(He calls)

Bead: Al's got a beeper.

Spirit: Oh yeah?

Bead: He's stoked. Mick's watch alarm went off and Al perked up and said::::"Is that Spirit?" It went off one time while he was here. He was stoked. What did they say, dude?

Mick: Planes out all day.

Bead: Directs?

Mick: I didn't ask.

Bead: I think there's one at six a.m., and one at five in the afternoon.

Mick: I'll wake up. I was thinking about shaping that board for Al, for his birthday. He'll be stoked, Hey Spirit, will you take the package down for Spirit while I shape?

Spirit: No. That's alright.

Mick: Come on. Gas and twenty-five dollars.

Spirit: I don't want to. It would be good for you to earn your seven thousand dollars.

Mick: Fuck you. Al's a friend, I was going to stoke him out.

Spirit: You've got plenty of time to shape.

Bead: We going surfing tomorrow?

Spirit: There'll be some beach break working.

Mick: How cold's the water?

Bead: It's heaven.

Spirit: It's seventy.

Mick: I won't need a wet suit?

Bead: No way.

Spirit: Naw.

Mick: I can't wait to get my eight foot plug for my Waimea board. We shouId all get one and shape 'em up.

Bead: We'll shape them tomorrow.

Mick: Right on, brah! Let's fire another one off.

Bead: I'm fine.

Spirit: I'll split a little with you.

Mick: This is what I do all day, puff a doobie, relax, exercise.

(He starts doing exercises)

Bead: How long does it take to do that position?

Mick Ten minutes. I'm not even warmed up.

Spirit: That's unreal.

Mick: It's easy. You'll both be doing it. Hey, let's do a few lines so we can stay up and talk.

Bead: Really?

Mick: Yeah!

Bead: Do you want to, Spirit?

Spirit: No. I'm fine.

Bead You really do it, Mick?

Mick: So we can stay up and talk! There's nothing wrong with it. Come on.

Bead: It's bad, dewey.

Mick: You're just afraid of::::

Bead: It's not good.

(Pause )

Mick: Well, I'm going to do some. Do you mind?

Bead: Do you need it that bad?

Mick: I just want to so we can stay up and talk.

Bead: Go ahead, if you have to.

Mick: Come on, Spirit.

Spirit: No.

Mick: You've done it.

Spirit: I feel good right now.

Mick: You guys are just afraid.

Spirit: Let's just finish this joint.

Mick: Forget it.

Bead: Good. So when's that energy coming, Mick?

Mick: Tomorrow or the next day. Amy's coming over in four days. She can bring it.

Bead: Good.

Mick: Ilve been good lately.

(Pause)

Bead: Pretty good.

Mick: When I say it's coming, it's coming.

Bead: The last few times.

Mick: I'm professional. I'm a professional businessman. I m going to be a world traveler.

Bead: Let's concentrate on the biz before we start traveling.

Mick: Hold yourself back.

Spirit: He's ahead of us, dewey.

Mick: That's right, He's got more money. But there's plenty of room for everybody. Have you gotten any new clients lately?

Spirit: A few. Small ones. I'm working on it.

Mick: I don't see why you don't approach someone.

Spirit: Who? If it's so easy, why're you relying on one account?

Mick: I'm talking about you.

Spirit: And I'm talking about you.

Bead: If you're going to send that package tomorrow early, Mick, we should go to bed.

Spirit: I'll see you guys tomorrow.

Mick: Bye, Spirit.

Bead: Goodnight, Spirit.

NEXT DAY IN THE LIVINGROOM

Spirit: What's this thing you're into, Yoga?

Mick: Yoga is hot. Watch this.

(He stretches incredibly)

Mick: (Stands) But I'm into better things.

Spirit: What?

Mick: I'll tell you later. Here.

(He sticks his right arm straight out)

Try to bend my arm at the elbow with both of your hands, Spirit.

(I attempt to, weakly, and fail)

Put all your strength into it. Try again.

(I attempt to, full strength, but fail)

Spirit: I can't.

Mick: Try to break my arm!

(I let go)

I've seen Ki masters flip a person without even touching him.

Spirit: That's hot. You saw that?

Mick: Yeah I saw it. They could break your fucking arm without touching it. They put their hand about this far away.

(His hand hovers an inch above my arm)

Spirit: Sounds like fun.

Mick: I've seen it.

DRIVING TO THE STORE

Spirit: He's changed.

Bead: Yeah. For the better. He's stable.

Spirit True. But it's vicious. At the parking lot at Swami's we saw Gary and he came over to talk and Mick was taking off his sunglasses and reached in and put 'em on the dash under his shirt, and when he turned around and saw Gary there he

said: 'If my glasses are missing when I come in, I'll know who to look for.

Bead: That's hot. You've got to be that way! it's the biz.

Spirit: He s an addict, psychologically or physically, he's one.

Bead: You think so?

Spirit: It's obvious.

Bead: He says he's got it under control.

Spirit: Who do you know who's got it under control?

Bead: You.

Spirit: Yeah, but I don't have the money for it. I don't have the huge amounts around Spirit constantly. It's the people doing volume who wreck their lives with it.

Bead: Is that why you hold back?

Spirit: I don't really hold back, I just, I'm not a salesman. I don t think it'll wreck Spirit.

Bead: Mick doesn't think it'll wreck him. It's not that bad.

Spirit: Kid yourself. It makes you feel good. Gives you a lift. But for Spirit it's a party thing. We never smoked when we were younger, everyone around us did, we, Spirit at least, didn't smoke pot until after you got married. What's that, three years ago?

Bead: We started at about the same time.

Spirit: The first time I ever smoked was with you and Benny.

Bead: In junior high Mick and Bobby G. smoked a joint behind the handball courts.

Spirit: I remember that. He was the first.

Bead: What's that got to do with Mick, what you were talking about?

Spirit: Oh, I was just thinking you know how nice it feels to puff a joint. The high's unreal, real relaxing, but there's something pleasant in just smoking, having the joint in your hand, even flicking the ashes. Do you see what I mean?

Bead: I agree. I understand. It's a neat thing.

Spirit: Snorting is the same way. You've seen guys scream from snorting because their nostrils were so raw. Jim's one nostril has collapsed. Wasn't it you who told Spirit that?

Bead: Yeah. He snorts using one nostril only.

Spirit: Crazy. Anyway, I would never behave that way. I don't have a need to do it. Mick could develop a need, if he hasn't already.

Bead: How much do you think he does?

Spirit: What does he tell you?

Bead: Mary and him split a gram a day.

Spirit: With some splurges. An eighther every so often. He's smoking those clove cigarettes. I bet he's smoking the white. It blows me away.

Bead: He knows what he's doing. He's not smoking base.

Spirit: It's a fad to sprinkle it onto those cigarettes. He's the one who told me about it. It's called a 'cooler'.

Bead: He's being normal isn't he? More normal than last time. I talked to him about that and he said he was depressed. He had a depression. You ever get depressed?

Spirit: I have a bad mood but I wouldn't call it being depressed, and I certainly never had a depression.

Bead: Neither have I. I proud of him for being able to get out of it by him-self. He's happy.

Spirit: He looks good.

Bead: He's the best he's ever been.

Spirit: You're right. You know how I said he was kind of acting like B. when we were at the beach? I was wrong. You know who he's acting like, kind of modeling himself after?

Bead: No, Spirit?

Spirit: No. Think about it. He acts cold-blooded, not really, but he can be when he wants. No understanding about the virtues of saving money. No future. Doomsday. The world's going to end soon, so live it up. The clove ciggies. The reggae music. Have you ever known Mick to know the lyrics of a song? He bops his head to the music and sings. Who is that?

Bead: Benny?

Spirit: Exactly.

Bead: You're crazy. He's shaping really good, isn't he?

Spirit: Yeah.

(We go into the store.)

A LATER CONVERSATION

Spirit: You look real happy.

Mick: I am. I'm the happiest I've ever been.

Spirit: Have you been thinking about a legit business? You said something about a women's clothes store the other day.

Mick: I don't know about a clothes store. There's too much competition. Whatever we choose, it's going to have something to do with women.

Spirit: You and Bead are good businessmen, salesmen, the whole thing.

Mick: Yeah, it's more than just sales. It's difficult. I want a store dealing with women. I like women. I'm really good with them. I ve got a power that I'm just beginning to tap into.

Spirit: Great.

Mick: I'm damn good with women!

A LATER CONVERSATION WALKING TO THE BEACH

Bead: I really like those Speedos.

Mick: They're yours. That board's yours too. Take anything. But you can't have my gold. You can't have my magic gold chain.

Spirit: Tell Spirit about the Aikido classes.

Mick: Aikido is good, I got good at it. I learned from Barry Brown, he's a master, the best teacher in the islands. I got into Ki, though. It's different. I studied it with Mugabe, he invented Ki. I'm getting away from martial arts.

Spirit: How long were you into Aikido?

Mick: Six weeks.

Spirit: That's all?

Mick: It takes ten years to fucking master. I learned what was there for Spirit, then I got into something better.

Spirit: Ki?

Mick: Yeah.

Spirit: You still doing that?

Mick: I'm into something even better.

HAIRCUT IN THE KITCHEN

Katy: You haven't had a cut in a long time.

Spirit: Yeah. Probably two months. I want it short.

Katy: Mick's going back tomorrow or Monday.

Spirit: Yeah?

Katy: That's what he says.

Spirit: Did you hear us talking the other night, all stoned?

Katy: You guys are funny.

Spirit: What do you think about Mick?

Katy: I don't know.

Spirit: Remember Tom? Two thousand dollar a week habit. He had to sell his house and his Porsche. And he was moving alot of weight. And that's why Ben never has any money.

Katy: Ben's got two Beamers. He lives in a really nice security apartment.

Spirit: But no cash.

Katy: You're right.

Spirit: The smart people in the biz stay out of it, like Bead. Tom or Ben or Mick, they lose.

Katy: I don't think they're addicts.

Spirit: Mick and Mary?

Katy: Yeah.

Spirit: You know Mary is.

Katy: Maybe.

Spirit: Are they getting along together over there?

Katy: Yeah.

Spirit: Mick keeps saying, giving the impression he's screwing around.

Katy: No!

Spirit: That's the picture he's giving Spirit.

Katy: No way.

Spirit: I know it's not real. He's just saying his whole thing now is pleasure. Having a good time. He doesn't have any morals. He's in love with gold. With money. That's dangerous.

Katy: Go look in the mirror.

(I go to the bathroom and look; return)

Spirit: Looks real good, thanks.

Katy: Not too short I hope.

Spirit: Naw, I like it. Thanks alot. I'll babysit anytime.

Katy: Thanks, Spirit.

Spirit: Thank you. I've gotta go. Think about what I said. I care about Mick alot. and I'm confused. It's strange.

Katy: Well, Bead and I aren't going to do anything until summer's over.

Spirit: Good.

Katy: As soon as Mick's gone, Bead will see.

Spirit: I know. Bye. Thanks alot.

Katy: Bye, Spirit.

DRIVING TO THE BEACH

Mick: We don't need to support Mel, or anyone. Why should we help him travel and surf? We should be traveling and surfing.

Bead: It 's good p.r.

Spirit: He's a good person

Mick: We should focus on ourselves.

Spirit: Sounds like selfishness. Ayn Rand::::

Mick: I'm past that. That was stupid.

ON THE BEACH

Spirit: You've always said that happiness is the most important thing. Are you happy?

Mick: Aren't you?

Spirit: I'm happy. I ask myself several times a day, kind of like a prayer, usually I just look at something and smile which means I'm happy, or I remember something and grin, sometimes I can't stop grinning, I've been embarrassed a couple of times by people asking what's so funny, and that starts me laughing, and the other person laughs too then, experiences my happiness with me. I'm happy. I don't think

the day will come that I'll stop asking myself, but I see so many people who've stopped asking themselves if they're happy. I hope I don't become one of them.

Mick: If you have to ask yourself if you're happy, I don't think you are.

ON THE BEACH

Mick: Bead said you were thinking about going down south.

Spirit: I was thinking about it.

Mick: That would be hot.

Spirit: Yeah. We'd have to talk about it.

Mick I'm planning on going back down. It's unreal down there.

Spirit: What do you think about carrying?

Mick: Do it! I think you can do it, You're Spirit! I thought it was all set?

Spirit: Yeah, but I've been thinking, Would you do it?

Mick: I'm going,

Spirit: Are you going to carry?

Mick: I'm setting it up.

Spirit: Are you going to carry?

Mick: I know I could do it. I know you could do it.

Spirit: But you wouldn't do it.

Mick: I'm setting it up. I don't need to do it.

Spirit: I don't need to either.

Mick: Don't.

Spirit: I'm not going to. I just wanted to see if you wanted me to.

Mick: Fuck. Do what you want, Spirit.

TW0 PHONE CALLS

Mick: Bead said to call and get you to go surfing with us.

Spirit: How are the waves?

Mick: We'll go check 'em out.

Spirit: Drop by for me.

Mick: O.k.

(Two minutes later)

Bead: Spirit.

Spirit: Yeah.

Bead: Come on over.

Spirit: We going surfing?

Bead: Yeah! Bring your board.

Spirit: O.k. Be over in a bit.

DRIVING TO A MOVIE

Spirit: You're really into that gold chain.

Mick: Yeah.

Spirit: Aren't you afraid of losing it when you go surfing?

Mick: Nope.

Bead: Weather's been good here, Mick.

Mick: All I do is sit in the sun. All day, Surf, Puff a fat one. Down beers. The weather's incredible over there. You become a sun worshipper. Tap into the energy, It gets cold here.

Spirit: You get that chain in Peru?

Mick: Yeah. Cheap.

Spirit: Incans worshipped the sun, and gold, and they never became tired or hungry because they chewed coca leaves.

Mick: So?

Spirit: That's what it sounds like.

Mick: Sounds pretty good to me.

Bead: Yeah!

TRESTLES

Mick: Past week coming back from 'D' Street, after surfing six hours, in my trunks all day, man, that's what I was doing when I was twelve years old.

Spirit: But it's different.

Mick: It's not. I'm doing the exact same things I did when I was twelve. I'm just a big kid. A man-child.

Spirit: I think you're responsible.

Mick: Yeah, I'm responsible, But I'm telling ya, Spirit, there were these twenty year olds who looked fifty on my flight over. The plane was full of them.

Spirit: We're too smart to turn out like that. I'm just saying some people are responsible, and some aren't.

Mick: Responsibility is a judgement call But I guess there are certain universal responsibilities. The most obvious is the responsibility of a person to take care of himself, and from there, the responsibility of a person not to harm another person. I think a Marine is irresponsible because he has placed his fate in the hands of the country; a Marine is ordered to die for his country, his welfare is out of his hands, he's not responsible to himself. And the only responsible reason for hurting someone is when that someone is threatening your life. And you can't say that Marines are just hurting people who threaten them, simply because to be a Marine in the first place is irresponsible.

Spirit: I agree. But the real world, what's happening in the real world, not the ideal world, demands that the Marines of the world exist. It's sad. If everyone thought as you do, it would be true. You're being idealistic, which is fine, but it's not being responsible.

Mick: You see? I say being idealistic is way more responsible than being caught up in the bullshit.

(Pause)

Spirit: A small-minded person is a person who uses only his perception, his senses, not thinking ahead past tomorrow. Then there's the person who only uses his perception but who has goals, the idea that the world is going to continue and he'll be in it. But the complete person, the whole person, he not only uses his perception, but enhances his perception, his senses, and not only does he set goals, but he uses his mind's ability to transport him into the future. He thinks what will he be like when he's ten years older, and uses such thoughts to temper his current life-perception. He acheives his goals. And unlike the small-minded person, he reflects on his past life, and understands the changes he's gone through. He pulls good memories to current thought to elevate current moods, whether to avoid or eleviate a bad mood, or further enhance a good mood.

(Pause)

Spirit: History classes always bored me stiff, I only know enough to understand the current situations in the news, and what I don't understand, if I don't know who the P.L.O. are, I find out. But my history, the history of me, is very important. I'm its greatest historian. My history includes you, Bead, everyone, in parts, but it includes all of me. It's a part of me. It is me.

(Pause)

Spirit: Kids are people who consider the world to be made-up only of where they have been, or are, or dream of going. An adult understands a more complex world and so is himself more complex.

(Much later)

Spirit: Hatred is a strange thing. I've never been hated, ever in my life. Have you? I've never hated anyone either. There's that guy who rides the blue long board at Swami's that I say I hate, but I don't even know the guy, I don't know his name. That kind of hatred is silly. You know how when you're angry and you say you hate someone and they say that hate is a strong word, you're just angry, the heat of

the moment. That's not really hate. Hate, if you hate someone, that's a strong thing. It's not normal. How would you feel if someone hated you? Think about it, Think about what if a friend hated you. It's like when Bead told you that you don't want to buy a gun because imagine what it would feel like to kill someone. Bead thought you wouldn't be able to, but this hate that you aim at me is just like a gun. It's worse, you're killing me slowly. I'm in pain! I'm your friend! You could use a gun. That scares me.

Mick: I'm not going to shoot you, Spirit.

Spirit: Why do you have this anger towards me?

Mick: I don't hate you.

Spirit: Am I your friend?

Mick: What do you think?

Spirit: What do you think I think?

Mick: I think it's you.

Spirit: You're my friend, Mick. I want to be closer to you. I want to share everything with you like we used to.

Mick: What do you want to know? Ask.

Spirit: Tell me how to be close to you.

Mick: We're close, Spirit.

Spirit: You see? You won't even talk to me.

Mick: I talk to you, Spirit, but you don't make any sense.

ORIENTAL FOOD

Mick: I'm a hedonist.

Spirit: Are you serious?

Spirit: I know you, dewey; I don't think that's healthy.

Mick: What's not healthy about pleasure.

Spirit: You believe in God, right? And you've never::::when you didn't believe in Christ. You were a Christian.

Mick: I still am. That has nothing to do with it.

Spirit: You can't be a Christian-hedonist.

Mick: That's me.

Spirit: Christianity is based on guilt.

Mick: Somewhat.

Spirit: It propagates guilt. To sin or live without sinning. That's guilt. This is a Christian society we live in, right?

Mick: There're all kinds of religions::::

Spirit: ::::The constitution of the United States::::Christian God. Look at a dollar: in God we trust.

Mick: O.k. This is a Christian society.

Spirit: And guilt is a basic instrunent of Christianity's. And you used to be a devout Christian, a spiritual Christian.

Mick: I am now.

Spirit: A Christian not only in your own eyes, but in the eyes of society.

Mick: I'm Christian still.

Spirit: You say you're Christian. You believe you're Christian. But your fruits are not Christian. That doesn't mean you aren't Christian, it just means society says you're not.

Mick: What fruits?

Spirit: Smoke dope. Sell dope. Don't attend church. Don't talk about Christ to everyone, an evangelist, do you remember when you used to talk about Christ to everyone? That's another instrument: salesmen.

Mick So society says I'm not a Christian even though I know I am, and that makes me a hedonist. That's what I told you before, Spirit.

Spirit: But you were Christian. This is a Christian society. It's a part of you. You can't deny that. I witnessed it.

Mick: I'm changing; I'm expanding, Spirit.

Spirit: That's great. I'm stoked. But don't you see? Somewhere in your future these two different parts of you are going to collide. Your Christian past is going to fight with your hedonist present. They don't allow for the existence of one another. And you can't prepare for this battle if you're in either of the states of mind. When you were Christian, hedonism was absurd, and now as a hedonist, you believe church going God fearing morality stricken guilt ridden Christians are absurd.

Mick: I don't care what other people do with their lives.

Spirit: We're talking about you. In your future, maybe tomorrow, maybe when you're sixty, this battle is going to take place.

Mick: And what'll happen?

Spirit: I'm not sure. I just want you to be prepared to recognize it when it happens. One will win-out over the other. You could remain a hedonist, and all your values, your goodness, the spirit that keeps you in check, keeps you from shooting heroin for instance, that spirit will be gone, Mick. You say you've changed now, but imagine what you'll be like then. And then you could return to Christianity, in which case all the guilt for all the things you did as a hedonist is going to fall on you. That would cause a pain inside you that you can't begin to imagine. Endless pain.

Mick: How do you know about this pain?

Spirit: I've experienced it. I've dealt with it. That pain is a part of me. But I knew what was happenlng to me when it was happening, which helped me through it. I don't deny my Christian past and my Christian environment, but I can honestly say that I'm no longer Christian.

Mick: What are you?

Spirit: I don't know. I'm what I call a 'Realist'. It's an off-shoot of Existentialism. Existentialism with all the negatives taken out. I use alot of what I learned being a Christian, such as approaching the world as a child, with a free and open mind. I read philosophy, Buddhism, Taoism, Judaism, African and Indian things, and all the different versions of Christianity. I don't just read texts, but try to experience the beliefs themselves. You see this cup of tea, Mick? You drink it, you don't, it doesn't mean anything, it's a beverage. You taste it. Sometimes you don't even taste it, just go through the physical act of drinking. But there's a whole ceremony just for drinking tea. I'll give you a simplified version. Reflect on it each time you drink tea and you will supposedly be blessed. The first sip Joy. The second Gladness. The third Serenity. The fourth Madness. The fifth Ecstasy.

Mick: How do you experience those things from tea?

Spirit: Just reflect on them each time you drink tea, in their correct order.

Mick: Hocus Pocus.

Spirit: Could be. But it doesn't hurt. Millions of people throughout the centuries have practiced a belief in the tea ceremony.

Mick: Millions of people have killed themselves.

Spirit: That harms. The tea ceremony is beautiful. I still have to work on it, but I find it pleasant to do. Some day it may mean something to me.

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©2001wfairbrother